how to convince hubby?

mommjrjg · #1 (**permalink**) 04-15-2007, 02:37 AM

hi everyone,
i am glad to have found this friendly forum. in short, married, five children, ages 18 to 1. my husband has had 3 hospital stays in last 2 years, we have had 2 children in the last 3 years, our oldest son developed a chronic illness recently(type 1 diabetes) and i am a stay at home mom. my husband is an executive who makes a very good salary. but last year, he received a small bonus as compared to a very large bonus(which we usually used to pay bills, taxes, home improvements, vacations etc) well, the medical bills have been out of control. last year we paid over 10,000 out of pocket(but not enough to declare as a deduction on our taxes).
we are currently struggling as diabetes supplies, insulin, etc is costly, we have two in diapers, and oldest in college..sigh
so how do i convince my husband to sell our deluxe SUV, we could make about a 6,000 profit and go back to a mini-van? our current payment on suv is close to 900 a month, zero % interest, so it was a good deal(at the time) before all of these unexpected "things" have happened. we owe about 15000 on the vehicle.
i am MORE than willing to sell my vehicle-it would instantly bring more $$$ into household and reduce what i spend on gas monthly(which as you can imagine is quite a lot).
i have listened to dave ramsey on the radio occasionally and i have heard him suggest to sell vehicles to get out of debt. i think some of his ideas are kind of radical though because many/most people don't have five children and i'm not willing to sell the rug out from under us to survive(and then need another rug anyway...)
how do i discuss this with hubby? i think it could work. i have been stressing profusely for a few months now. he says, "it'll all work out". we are not getting ahead, have some credit card debt too. as i said, he makes a great salary but five kids, private tuition, etc...it's not as easy as it looks.
any suggestions? i have considered working this summer when oldest daughter comes home from university(make her babysit as i am college grad and coulld earn more, but again hubby is opposed to me leaving the two little ones...)
ugh thanks in advance for any pearls of wisdom....

tater03 · #2 (**permalink**) 04-15-2007, 02:00 PM

Have you both set down and wrote out the pros and cons of selling the car and you going back to work in the summer? I have done this with my husband and actually seeing the pros in writing has changed his minds on situations he did not necessarilly agree with at first. And the reverese has happened also too. I have seen some of the reasons why my husband may not agree with the situation. It just helps to see exactly why you each feel the way you do. Just a suggestion. Hope this might help.

brian · #3 (**permalink**) 04-18-2007, 06:52 AM

Sorry to hear about your situation, but at least you're in a good place now because you can prevent yourselves rolling too far into debt and control it now.

The general suggestion, as you've noted, it that you need to make some lifestyle changes - change of vehicle, fewer vacations, less spend on home improvements - are definitely areas you can begin to look at for cutting costs.

Really, it's as much a case at looking at what you need, and trying to stick to that.

And while the big bills like vehicles and vacations are a big drain financially, also watch out for those little things that soon add up - if you find you're always buying treats with the groceries, and buy clothing on a whim when you pass a store, then these are also areas you could really look to tackle.

Bottom line is that you need to identify *necessary* expenditure - ie, what you actually need to live on for basics (groceries, taxes, medical bills, college fees) and then look at your *extras* - shopping, vehicles, vacations, and similar. Assign as much of your income to *necessary* expenditure - then see what you have left over for everything else. That's what determines what you can spend on these areas - make a budget and then stick to it!

Simply 2c.

Hope that helps.

tater03 · #4 (**permalink**) 04-18-2007, 12:36 PM

You have some very good advice. I remember doing a monthly watch I guess you could call it on everything we spent money on. I was so surprised to find things that we could cut out and never even realized that we were spending that money.

lyricb · #5 (**permalink**) 04-20-2007, 09:51 PM

$900 a month for a car payment? Yikes! My mortgage payment is just a couple hundred dollars more than that. I would get rid of that car in a heartbeat.

BillR · #6 (**permalink**) 06-06-2007, 05:34 PM

I would get rid of the SUV regardless of your situation. A very very good rule of thumb with luxury vehicles is "Do not buy them unless you can afford to do it with cash".

I understand that you have 0% interest but all in all it sounds like in your situation it would be beneficial. You can afford a vehicle that meets your needs.

Dru · #7 (**permalink**) 06-08-2007, 11:49 PM

It sounds like you are getting some good advice here "mom...". Tracking your spending, then writing down all the income and outgo on paper, makes a lot of sense. Once you have a plan, (and a budget) present it to him. Let him know it is more important to you to be free of these worries, than to drive a fancy vehicle. If he understands how you feel about it, chances are he will be more receptive.

You must also ask yourself (and eventually him) why is he resistant to the reduction of expense? Does he feel threatened that he is not as good a provider as he was in the past? Is this an ego thing? Your openness and honesty about your feelings can help him past his fear.

You mentioned private tuition and college. These are great if you can afford them, but realize they are extras for most budgets. At the age of 18, your daughter can be/is considered emancipated. This can effect how you look at college tuition and medical costs. There are many programs she may qualify for to assist with each of these areas. You may lose her as a tax deduction, but if your medical expenses are so great with her, it may be worth considering.

As for working out of the home...I agree with your hubby. It is your responsibility, and privilege to raise your children with good values and a sense of security in their lives. Don't pass that challenge on to someone else. Sometimes that becomes necessary, but never trade a child's life for "material stuff". As you said, you have a good life...enjoy it with those you love. Make the small adjustments necessary to adapt.

P.S. You didn't mention whether or not you are on track with your retirement planing. I'm guessing with a company like you described they have a 401K he is taking advantage of. You should review the status of the account annually to be sure that you are not having to worry further when the kids are grown.

tater03 · #8 (**permalink**) 06-10-2007, 07:30 PM

I never even realized that but it does seem like a rather high car payment? Even for an SUV that is high.

hannahgrace · #9 (**permalink**) 07-11-2007, 01:45 AM

As a stay-at-home mom I can relate to you. The difference is my hubby lets me handle all the finances since he's really bad with budgeting. LOL. tater03's advice on having a sit-down to write out the pros and cons is pretty good. Hope the car issue has been resolved.

Anyway if you need some extra cash you can work at home and stay with the kids instead applying in a part-time job. I make somewhere from half to equal what my husband currently earns just from writing web content at home. Since the pay here in the Philippines is about 1/5 of the pay there imagine what you can make as a writer there. Check out the web for opportunities for work-at-home moms. There's so much you can do to earn at home while taking care of your kids. Good luck!

katharina · #10 (**permalink**) 07-17-2007, 11:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lyricb

$900 a month for a car payment? Yikes! My mortgage payment is just a couple hundred dollars more than that. I would get rid of that car in a heartbeat.

I agree with the advice others have given, and I'd get rid of that SUV without a second thought... and with a $6k profit *and* the price of gas now... yep, that would be in someone else's driveway real fast. I'd not be very happy at all with a car payment the equivalent of most mortgage payments.

tater03 · #11 (**permalink**) 07-17-2007, 09:17 PM

So what did you decide to do? Hopefully with the gas prices being they way they are that might help getting your husband to get rid of the SUV.

parise · #12 (**permalink**) 07-18-2007, 02:40 PM

Looks like your husband is the type of person who needs to have a blueprint put in front of him. You may want to just sit down and explain why you feel that way. As well as have a game plan written down.

tater03 · #13 (**permalink**) 07-18-2007, 08:51 PM

That would be my husband. Everything needs to be wrote down and all the numbers figured out on paper before he gets where I am going with something concerning the finances.

katharina · #14 (**permalink**) 07-20-2007, 08:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tater03

That would be my husband. Everything needs to be wrote down and all the numbers figured out on paper before he gets where I am going with something concerning the finances.

That sounds fair enough... well as long as he ends up at the same place, that is.

We're usually at the same place with the mental math before the whole thing needs to be written down, but it's always a good idea to do that at some point.

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